How to talk to someone who abuses their partner continued • tell the person that they are responsible for how they act. Avoid making judgmental comments. Don’t agree if they try to blame other people for their abusive behaviour • tell the person that their abusive behaviour needs to stop • tell them that you are concerned about the safety of their partner and children. Never argue with someone about their abusive actions. Confronting the person or arguing with them may make the situation more dangerous for their partner. Call the police if you think the person’s partner, expartner, or their children may not be safe. People who hurt their partners will often downplay their actions or deny that they have done anything wrong. They may blame the victim. This type of behaviour deflects their own responsibility for their actions, and it’s not ok. The person might deny the abuse. If they do: • try to keep your conversation focused on your concerns for their family’s safety and wellbeing • repeat that abuse is never ok • help the person find ways to get support to change their behaviour. If you’re unsure about helping You may think: • it’s none of your business • you don’t know what to say • you’ll make things worse • it’s not serious enough to involve the police • their partner could hurt you or your family • they don’t really want to leave because they keep going back • the abusive person, or the person experiencing the abuse, will become angry with you • both partners are your friends, and you don’t want to choose between them • if they wanted help, they would ask • it is a private matter. But know that: • it could be a matter of life or death • saying you care and are worried is a good start • doing nothing could make things worse • police are trained to respond to domestic violence • you can speak to the person you are concerned about privately, but in a place where others are nearby if needed • they may be quite traumatized and having trouble making decisions, but they will know you care • one person is being abused and lives in fear • they may be too afraid and ashamed to ask for help • it isn’t “private” when someone is being abused. Always keep yourself safe. Don’t put yourself in danger. If you receive threats, tell the police. Call 911 in an emergency women.novascotia.ca 76 POLICE ASSOCIATION OF NOVA SCOTIA
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