POLICE ASSOCIATION OF NOVA SCOTIA 75 How to talk to someone who abuses their partner Designed by Freepik When one partner is hurting the other, it’s called abuse. It can include physical abuse, sexual abuse, controlling their partner’s money or behaviour, controlling them emotionally, or coercive control. Anyone can help to stop abuse. Organizations in your community can help people who have been abused as well as people who abuse their partners. Warning signs It may be abuse if one partner: • often puts their partner down or calls them names • does all the talking for their partner • checks up on their partner all the time, even at work • claims that they are the victim, despite treating their partner disrespectfully • keeps their partner away from friends and family and other people • acts like their partner is their property • controls their partner’s money • lies about their actions to feel better • acts like they are the most important person in the home • controls their partner’s daily activities. It may be abuse if one partner: • makes excuses for their partner’s unacceptable behaviour or aggressively defends their partner’s behaviour • is nervous talking when their partner is around • seems to be sick more often and misses work • tries to cover up bruises or injuries • makes excuses at the last minute about why they can’t meet you • seems sad, lonely, or afraid. How to talk to someone who is abusive Sometimes people try to ignore abuse and focus on supporting the person who is being hurt. Sometimes, people try to sympathize with the person hurting their partner. Both of these situations may make the abuse worse. Talking to someone who abuses their partner is an important part of stopping the abuse. Services in your community can help you to understand if it is ok to speak to the abusive person. Services in your community can also help someone who hurts their partner or someone who is worried about how they are acting. If you think that someone is using violence or hurting their partner, you can talk to the person andprovide information about services in the community. You may want to: • choose the right time and place to talk • talk about abuse when the person is calm • be direct and clear about what you have seen continued
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