POLICE ASSOCIATION OF NOVA SCOTIA 99 Why does abuse happen? continued • Then there is a cooldown, makeup, or calm stage. Your partner may apologize and promise that it will never happen again. Your partner may reinforce these statements with “quick fixes” such as buying you gifts, dinner, or flowers. Often these actions are focused on making the person who abused feel better rather than trying to make you feel better. Alternatively, some abusive partners begin to take responsibility and engage in longterm solutions such as seeking help from family, friends, or counselors. If a partner engages in “quick fixes” the changes are often temporary. In some cases, the tension builds up again, and the abuse starts over. Over time the abuse may increase in intensity. Even if your abusive partner does take responsibility through engaging in longterm change, changes may take time. Sometimes the abuse happens again in spite of the progress your partner has made. You have to decide for yourself if you want to continue to work on, or leave, your relationship. The effects of abuse People who are abused often live with constant fear, worry, guilt, and selfblame. If you have experienced abuse from your partner, you may: • begin to feel worthless, helpless, or ashamed • feel like a failure • feel isolated and degraded. The effects of emotional or psychological abuse cannot be seen, but can be just as harmful as physical abuse. If you have experienced abuse of any kind, you may feel that no one could ever love you. You may feel stupid, ugly, and alone. You may begin to lose your selfrespect. You may begin to use alcohol or drugs to escape. You may feel like the hardest thing is feeling the loss of: • your selfrespect • respect for your partner • someone to be with • a sense of hope • happiness • love • companionship • the feeling of safety that a relationship can provide • family and friends • independence • your future goals and dreams • laughter and joy • your own identity • freedom • the ability to make decisions women.novascotia.ca
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