Police AssociAtion of novA scotiA 117 Excerpt from Sexual Abuse, What Happens When You Tell A Guide for Children and Parents Should I tell someone I’ve been sexually abused? Yes. It’s a good idea to tell an adult if someone is sexually abusing you, or has abused you in the past. It’s a good idea because the person you tell may be able to help make the abuse stop. Telling is also a good idea because a bad secret can make you feel bad. Letting the secret out will make you feel better. But you have to think about who to tell. You want to be sure that the person you’re going to tell can help you or will want to help you. This booklet will help you to decide who is the best person to tell. Who should I tell? Here are people you might tell: Your mother is usually a good person to tell. Lucy told her mother that her stepfather had been sexually abusing her. Then Lucy’s mother protected her by making the stepfather leave the house. It doesn’t always work that way, sometimes you have to tell someone else. Here’s an example: Carla’s mother had a boyfriend who used to visit every weekend. He would sit Carla in his lap and put his hand down her pants when her mother was busy in the kitchen. Carla told her mother but her mother told her not to worry about it. She said the boyfriend would soon get tired of doing it. When the boyfriend didn’t stop, Carla told her teacher instead. Her teacher reported the abuse to a social worker. The problem was that Carla’s mother was afraid that her boyfriend would go away if she complained to him. So she put the boyfriend first and Carla second. Most mothers are like Lucy’s mother and will protect their children. But if your mother won’t protect you, then you have to go to someone else like a teacher or a social worker. Your father may also be a good person to tell. Here’s an example: When Shawn came back from summer camp, he was very quiet and wasn’t sleeping properly. His father asked him what was wrong. Shawn told his father that one of the camp leaders kept getting into bed with him, and that he never wanted to go back to camp. Shawn’s father was very understanding. He told Shawn that the camp leader had behaved badly, and that it wasn’t Shawn’s fault. He reported the camp leader to the police. Then he took Shawn to a counsellor so he could talk about his bad feelings. But fathers don’t always behave the way Shawn’s father did. Here’s another example: When Robert went to the washroom at the park, a man showed his penis to him. Then he asked Robert to touch his penis. Robert ran home. When he told his parents what had happened his father shouted at everybody. He told Robert the park was full of ‘weirdos’, and that he was going to sue the Parks Board. Then he told Robert to describe the man. He said he would go to the park washroom himself with a baseball bat. He told Robert he would get a spanking if he ever came home late from the park again. By the time his father had finished shouting, Robert wished he had never told. Two days later, Robert’s father told him to forget the whole thing, and not mention it again. That made Robert feel confused. Fortunately Robert’s mother had a different response. She listened to Robert, then phoned the police. The police told her that several parents had complained about the same man. They said they would try to keep an eye on the park washroom. Shawn’s father and Robert’s father behaved very differently. If you think your father is going to behave like Robert’s father, you should tell someone else. You could tell your friend’s parents. This is a good idea if you think they will believe you and help you. You could tell another family member. Many children who are sexually abused will tell a grandparent or aunt or uncle. Grandparents may not be as busy as your parents, and may have more time to listen. You could tell someone you trust at school, like a teacher, counsellor or nurse. It’s important to tell an adult if you’ve been sexually abused, but you have to think about who to tell. Ask yourself who you think will help you and then tell that person. What is the person I tell supposed to do? When you tell an adult that you’ve been sexually abused, that person is supposed to tell either a police officer or social worker. The law says that adults must do this. We have this law because we believe that all children have a right to be protected from sexual abuse. What will social services do? When the adult you tell calls social services, a social worker will write down the details of the phone call. A social worker may interview you in a place where you feel safe. The social worker is going to ask you what happened. If you have been sexually abused in your home, the social worker will want to interview you somewhere else. This is why social workers do many of their interviews in schools. Someone at the school will find a quiet place where the social worker can interview you in private. national Clearing house of Family Violence continued...
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